Relationships can be the source of our greatest pleasure and our deepest pain.

At the heart of a healthy relationship are three basic skills:

1. Identifying your thoughts and feelings

2. Communicating them clearly

3. Validating the other person’s thoughts and feelings

If you grew up in a family where these skills were modeled, practiced, and gently corrected, you probably internalized them until they became almost automatic. You learned how to relate in a way that feels mostly safe, productive, and intimate.

But many of us didn’t have that kind of environment. Maybe emotions were ignored, exploded, mocked, or used against you. If that’s the case, it makes sense that some of the relationship habits you carry today cause you pain. They were built for survival, not for connection.

The good news is that habits are changeable. Today, you can begin to notice one unhelpful pattern at a time, learn a healthier way to think, feel, and respond, and repeat that new behaviour until it starts to become your new default. Over time, this is how you build healthier, more nurturing relationships—with others and with yourself.